We were getting ready for a dinner party but ended up in the emergency room. I was six weeks pregnant and an ultrasound confirmed my fears. There was no heartbeat.
This was the first loop of the roller coaster.
Two days later, I followed up with my doctor. There was another silent and still ultrasound. There were tears. There were a lot of labs drawn. There was a brief glimmer of hope in the doctor wanting to wait before making a final treatment plan.
More loops in the roller coaster.
And this is where we were on the day my husband and I were to head out of town on a very rare getaway to see Rend Collective in concert.
I packed my overnight bag in a daze. We had been so looking forward to this trip. They are one of our very favorite bands and we’d already bought the tickets. Even though we were emotionally exhausted, we decided to make the best of it.
The entire four hour drive was spent waiting on pins and needles for the nurse to call with my lab results. I called her twice with no success.
Finally, as we were pulling into the parking lot, the phone rang. The labs were inconclusive.
I walked into the concert not knowing if my baby was alive.
Hindsight is a precious gift. At the time, I could not wrap my mind or heart around what was happening and the timing of it all.
But now I know the lesson God wanted to teach me that night. And His timing provided the best way to learn.
The concert was not a show. Not at all. It was a night of worship. And, if I’m honest, I was not in the best emotional place for that.
But God is on His throne and the Holy Spirit is not deterred by emotions. The Lord ministered to my heart and I could not help but worship the Creator.
My Creator. My baby’s Creator. I knew I had to trust God in His plans. No matter what the outcome might be.
There was peace. Such peace. And there was joy. Which seems so improbable. But the joy of the Lord is not situational.
God was merciful to us and the following week showed a strong heartbeat and a growing babe. We named her Abigail (“the Father’s joy”) and we’ll be celebrating her first birthday in just ten days.
God’s divine timing had us in the right place at the right moment to truly learn about the joy of the Lord. In spite of our emotions, we worshipped with abandon and chose to glorify Him no matter what. We got a chance to deeply experience the peace that passes all understanding.
Tomorrow night, we are getting a chance to worship with Rend Collective again and I am so looking forward to it. Our life has been less dramatic lately but still tough.
The icky things of daily life pile up one after another and it’s hard to shovel through when you’re not sleeping.
I’ve just been so worn.
I’ve found that sometimes a strong faith comes easier in the dramatic valleys of life than it does during the long hot trudges through life’s deserts.
Thankfully, the joy of the Lord is not based on my spiritual geography.
I’m looking forward to celebrating Him tomorrow night.