Roller Coaster

September 24, 2014January 13, 2016 ~ Ashley ~ 6 Comments

Step right up, folks, and I’ll tell you the tale of the biggest (emotional) roller coaster I’ve ever experienced. There are extreme highs and sudden drops, with lots of loops and twists thrown in for fun. You must be this high to ride.

It all started about a month ago with two (highly unexpected) itty bitty pink lines. How unexpected? Well, the last of our baby stuff was hauled away over a year ago. Once we picked our jaws up off the floor, we were thrilled, of course.

I’m somewhat of an oversharer (not exactly a shock, I know) so keeping a secret this big was going to be super hard for me. So I began to journal little blurbs to have an outlet. Here’s a little bit of what I wrote after a week of expecting:
“So many nerves this time around! We’ve had some time to get used to this new idea. I’m excited. Attached. And that makes me so nervous. I’ve had two healthy pregnancies. Statistically speaking, am I due for my share of heartache? It seems that for every happy ending you hear about, there are nine horror stories. It’s not fair for me to be exempt. Praise God for grace. Just have to walk one day at a time, trusting in Him no matter what.”

Then this was written a few days later:
“Dear Baby, Your life is so precious. We thought we were done but God had a different plan. He meant for you to be. Your tiny heart is starting to beat. It beats for the glory of the Lord. Your very existence is such a gift.”

Four days later, as we were getting ready for a dinner party, I began to miscarry. Once my mind registered what was happening, my heart sank to my toes and I began to sob. I knew there couldn’t be any hope. We were advised to go to the ER to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. This is what I wrote that long, horrible night:
“The ceiling tiles needed cleaning. There was a cobweb dangling over me like a crib mobile. The tech apologized for the warmth of the room but I felt like I was frozen through. A tear slipped silently down my cheek and into my ear as they discussed KFC’s latest chicken creation. The ultrasound wand was heavy on my abdomen as if it carried the weight of my fear. It pressed hard against the still, quiet place where you were. Instead of the relief that comes with the sudden rhythmic whirring, there was only the silence. The sound of our hearts breaking.”

Once the official report came from the radiologist, a big tough doctor brought us into this little room where he told us that I had miscarried. They could see the beginnings of a pregnancy but there was no heartbeat. He looked terrified that I would burst into tears on him. I felt like I was already cried out. For now. I was to follow up with my OB in a couple of days to make sure everything was progressing as it should.

This was from my follow-up:
“Sitting in the OB’s waiting room in the furthest corner I can find. The isolation doesn’t protect me from happy, rounded bellies and cheerful ultrasound photos. I wait. Try not to let the tears fall. Try to sink into the floor and disappear. Please call my name. Let me get this over with. Put it behind me. Move on. Can I? I’m still so queasy. Unfair… Dry mouth. Hands shaking. Trying to chug water from bathroom sink. Hands still shaking. Feeling sick… Waiting in the room for the doctor to talk to me. There’s a large painting of a raccoon staring at me… Still waiting. Raccoon is still watching to see if I’ll cry. The ultrasound is next… Nothing has changed. There’s still no heartbeat but I’m leaving with more questions than answers. The OB isn’t ready to call it a lost cause. I have to wait for the phone call tomorrow to tell me what my HCG numbers are doing. I’m afraid to hope. My chalkboard at home is a huge drawing of the word HOPE. I don’t believe in coincidence.”

That night, I had a long drive from my parents house back to my home. It was a rare solo drive and I had the song, Oceans, on repeat. After I sobbed it out, I cried out to the Lord to breathe life into our baby and to help our teeny tiny one grow. I spent the entire drive in prayer. I kept remembering what I had written the week before. “Your heart beats for the glory of the Lord.” I had to come to a hard place of realization that God would be glorified even if baby’s heart never beat. My heart would be broken, but I would still praise my God. A peace came over me that I cannot explain. This child was God’s idea. His gift to us. As hard as it was to let go, I had to mentally release this baby back to God. This little life was in His hands all along.

The next day, the only words I could get onto paper were these:
“Waiting for The Call. For this child I have prayed. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

A nurse called at the very end of that Friday. My numbers had not doubled as they had hoped. But they had increased. If they had decreased, then we would have known it was a loss and we’d be waiting for the next step. But they had gone up. The nurse warned me not to get my hopes up but to come in for another ultrasound on Tuesday.

From Tuesday:
“It’s time for the ultrasound. What will we see? Lori’s kind voice is extra sweet today. She remembers the limbo we were left with the last time I was here. The bed raises until I can almost touch the ceiling. I grip Jake’s hand tighter and try to control my breathing. The screen turns on. Lori gasps and almost giggles, “We have a heartbeat!!!” We turn to the screen. There is a beautiful, glorious flickering. The tears once again stream down my face and into my ear. She allows me the moment I need to totally lose it. We have a heartbeat. Baby’s heart is beating steady and strong. We are speechless. Basking in the grace and mercy of our mighty God who is writing one heck of a story for this little one. Glory be to our God.”

We’re having a baby.

Mommy Groups & Cinderella

June 2, 2014April 30, 2016 ~ Ashley ~ 5 Comments

When I was a little girl, I was fascinated by the story of Cinderella.

Here was this girl who had a rough go of it but she worked hard and followed all the rules and her life turned out happily ever after. She made it seem so easy.

As a teenager, I assumed if I worked hard and followed all the rules, my life should turn out happily ever after, too. Makes total sense, right?

(I know, I know. Quit laughing.)

These days, when the dishes and the laundry are piled up and there’s some unidentifiable stain on my clothes and I have to think really hard to remember if I brushed my teeth this morning, I wanna throw something at Cinderella. Seriously. Even during her floor-scrubbing days, she looked perfectly lovely and was always ready to try on new shoes.

I think Mommy Groups can be a lot like Cinderella.

When I first walked into my MOPS group, I was such a mess. I felt like I was failing at just about every aspect of my life. Just that morning, I had yelled at my kids, snapped at my husband, and the dishes from last night’s fairly unhealthy convenience meal were still in the sink.

The ladies I met that Wednesday morning were very welcoming and sweet, but I honestly considered not going back. They were all so put together. They all had real clothes on. And smelled nice. It sounded like their families were perfect. Being there, in the presence of these moms, confronted the idea I’d been clinging to that no mom was perfect and no one had it all together. Because these women obviously did.

They were just like Cinderella.

I am so glad that I eventually decided to go back. Within a few meetings, I began to get to know their stories. These women who seemed so perfect? They had the same fears I did. They felt the same sense of failure. They had overcome hardships, too. Once our walls came down, the relationships were built up and bonds were formed.

I took another look at Miss Cinderella.

Now, I like to imagine her with mashed carrots stuck in her tiara and the royal diaper genie overflowing. I wonder if her daily mom uniform would be a pair of yoga pants with “Princess” bedazzled across the seat. I’ll even admit to giggling at the idea of that beautiful glass carriage with cheerios smashed into the upholstery.

I bet she might have even felt kind of alone while Prince Charming was off running the kingdom. She probably only had her two step-sisters around to give her the amazing parenting advice that comes so easily to people without children.

Real life is not a fairy tale. Not even close. Real life is messy. It’s hard. And it can be lonely.

This is what I love about MOPS and why I feel it is so incredibly important in the life of a mom. When we can connect with other women who are experiencing the same unique season of life and are fighting the same battles and asking the same questions, we begin to see we’re not alone in this. We are given the opportunity to look around the room and see that we have sisters with us in the trenches of motherhood. Despite my mess, I know we all have our messes, and together, we can support and encourage each other.

A good mommy group will provide a safe place to tear down walls and reveal the vulnerability hidden there, allowing us a chance to say, “Me, too!” and then relationships are built from the ground up. But we have to be willing to go to that sometimes scary place of honest reality.

Mommy groups have the potential to be absolutely life-changing. But whether for the better or for the worse, I learned, is up to me.

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Time For MOPS (with one more Let It Go parody)

May 27, 2014May 16, 2016 ~ Ashley ~ Leave a comment

Time for MOPS Sometimes – okay, maybe a lot of times – motherhood can be very lonely.

A few years ago, I was just on this side of Caleb’s autism diagnosis with Grace in the terrible twos and Jake in nursing school. Most of my friends had moved away. I was feeling pretty lonely when a new friend invited me to a meeting of MOPS (mothers of preschoolers).

MOPS International “is a grassroots movement that believes moms are world influencers.” (MOPS.org) It has been one of the best things I have ever experienced. I know not all “mommy groups” are actually beneficial to a mom’s sanity. Sometimes, they can be cliquish and competitive and miserable. But not this one! This group of women has been caring, supportive, and fun.

The best way to build relationships is to first tear down the walls we have surrounding our vulnerability. And the only way to get a group of mamas to do that is to be willing to say, “I’ll go first.” So last year, I volunteered to coordinate the group with another awesome mom.

It’s been an amazing year. We wrapped up our theme, “A Beautiful Mess – Embrace Your Story,” and are so excited to get going with plans for next year’s theme, “Be You Bravely.” If you’re not a part of MOPS, I definitely recommend it!

I recommend it so much that, even though there are a million and one parodies of Let It Go, my friend, Courtney, and I wrote our own version because MOPS needs one, too! Think of it as a jingle. =)

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Time for MOPS! (to the tune of Let It Go)

A mess spread wide in the kitchen tonight
Not a helper to be seen.
A kingdom of dirty dishes
And it looks like I’m the queen.

The baby’s howling despite everything I’ve tried.
Can’t keep thoughts straight. My brain is fried.

Where are my keys? My phone is where?
Can’t remember when I washed my hair.
But just hang on – We’re almost there.
We’re almost there!

Time for MOPS. Time for MOPS.
Yoga pants are welcome here.
Grab a chair. Sit right there.
Eat food you don’t have to share!

Coffee flows.
You don’t have to wipe a nose.
You just sit and breathe!
Maybe during crafts, we’ll make a wreath.

It’s funny how these cuties
Can make us feel insane.
But twice a month, we’re reminded –
“Mom” is not my name.

It’s time to see what we can do
(Besides laundry or cleaning poo).
It’s Wednesday morning and I’m free –
To be me!

Time for MOPS. Love this place!
They show me love and grace.
Mentor moms, chats galore.
I’m always learning more.

Here I come
Down Killarney Way!
So glad it’s Wednesday!!!

The laughter’s floating through the air – I love that sound!
My troubles lifted by these sisters I have all around.
Through highs and lows, I know we’ll have each other’s back.
I know who I can call
When my mind’s about to crack!

Time for MOPS. Time for MOPS.
There’s a place for everyone.
Moms Night Out – Give a shout!
They’re always so much fun.

So here I am!
And here I’ll stay!
Let the coffee flow!

I might age out but I’ll never go.

Refined and Renewed

April 24, 2014May 27, 2014 ~ Ashley ~ Leave a comment

Many families facing various challenges will hear things like: “I don’t know how you do it” or “I could never handle it so well” or “You guys are superheroes.”

While I’m not saying there aren’t days when I feel like someone should hand over a cape, the truth is? We don’t do it. We can’t handle it. We aren’t the superheroes in our stories.

God does. God can. God is.

I’m frequently reminded of our utter dependence on God and that no one said life would be easy. I always think of this post from New Year’s Day 2011 and remember that, three years later, I’m still learning to be grateful for the refining process.

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(The following post was originally published at my previous blog, Stinker Babies.)

Is it possible to sum up 365 days with just one word? Or to wrap up all your hopes, dreams and desires for an entire year into a neat and tiny one-word package? We’ll see. I’m going to try my best!

I’ve already posted about my lack of tears over seeing 2010 finally draw to a close. It was not an easy year to get through.

Jake hit the ground running with nursing school. Between studying, class, working, clinicals, and more studying, he was gone pretty much all the time. Sometimes, I would wake up at 3:30 am just to make sure he had come home. At one point, we found ourselves explaining Caleb’s statement, “My daddy is not at my house anymore.” Ouch.

School alone might have been enough to make this year interesting. But we were really on our toes when it came to figuring out Caleb.

For the last nine months, we suspected, denied, suspected again, advocated, waited, learned, and waited some more. Eventually, just before Christmas, we received a diagnosis of autism for our sweet boy.

Add Mama’s fatigue due to a dying thyroid, Grace entering the Terrible Twos, and learning that Daddy will be in school an entire year longer than we anticipated. I am not going to lie. It was entirely overwhelming at times.

So what word would I use to sum up the craziness that was 2010?

Refine.

According to ehow.com, refining silver is necessary in order to separate the pure silver from the dross. The process includes such pleasantries as nitric acid and being heated to 1200 degrees Celsius. Ouch.

God never promised that following him would be easy.

We all go through times in our lives when we are pruned and refined. I’m learning to be thankful for those times. It means that God still finds me worth improving. It means that I still have a role to play, small as it may be, in His plan. That’s very humbling.

So after a year like 2010, what word would sum up my hope for 2011?

Renew.

This is our prayer. We pray with confidence because we choose to believe His promises.

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior.” – Titus 3:4-6

Amen.

My Stats Monitor was a Gremlin

April 22, 2014May 27, 2014 ~ Ashley ~ 8 Comments

There is something missing from this website.

You probably wouldn’t notice it at all.

But I do. Every day.

When I decided to start this new blog, I decided to start fresh with my mind “right.” Or at least as right as it could be. I wanted to really think about what my goals are here.

What do I want to accomplish?

I want to encourage you.

That’s it.

It’s a little funny because this goal is the exact same goal as when I started my first blog, Stinker Babies. I wanted to encourage any readers I had by being honest and real. I wanted to help others know they weren’t alone in what they were feeling or experiencing.

But something got in the way of that simple goal. There was one little thing that I naively added to the first website. Just like an adorable gremlin, I thought it would be this interesting little thing that ended up being a controlling, freaky monster.

My stats monitor became my measuring stick of how “good” I was.

The stats didn’t measure how encouraged people were or if they left feeling less alone in the world. Even if I was achieving my original goal, I didn’t feel successful unless a certain number of hits were happening.

I found myself writing with clicks, comments, and numbers in mind instead of hearts touched or smiles brightened. It was scary how easily it began to be about campaigns and recognition. For me.

I found myself constantly comparing stats with others. I felt discouraged, lonely, and frustrated because I would never measure up.

Once, I wrote a post that I was feeling really great about. It was original. It was funny. It had something for everyone. I loved it. Barely a week later, another blogger wrote a very, very similar post. But she did it absolutely beautifully. And it went viral (as it should have). And everyone sang her praises for weeks (as they should have).

And I had all the feelings. And it was not pretty.

I was too busy looking at the stories that others were living out and trying to make mine look like theirs. I picked the ending I wanted for my story and I was trying to force the plot to move in that direction. That does not make for a very good story. I more-than-momentarily forgot that my story is the only one I’m meant to live out. Not hers. Not his. Not yours.

I took a long time away from blogging to refocus. My posts were very few and far apart this last year. I spent some time praying and really listening to see if I was even supposed to keep writing at all.

I feel like I’m starting fresh where I’m meant to be and it’s not with a million visitors. It’s not with paid advertisers. It’s not with a book deal.

And it’s definitely not with a real-time stats monitor.

It’s with a new home on the web and refocused intentions and you.

Turning Pages

April 19, 2014April 19, 2014 ~ Ashley ~ 3 Comments

*(image courtesy of nuttapong/freedigitalphotos.net)*

Why Turning Pages?

I have always been a big believer that everyone has a story. I truly believe that God is writing a beautiful, messy, adventurous story for each of us. One that’s full of trials and celebrations, mountains and valleys, grace and mercy.

Hebrews 12:2 says we should “fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…”

I love this because my faith? It wasn’t always an easy thing for me. Yes, I had faith that Jesus was my savior and God was sovereign.

But faith is like a muscle. The more it’s exercised and worked, the bigger it grows. Those times in your life when your story is most exciting? Those are usually the times that are growing your faith.

If the last decade or so of my life were a novel, it would be interesting to note the foreshadowing that started with our wedding. Our first dance was to the song, “Come What May,” from Moulin Rouge. (Yes. We’re those artsy fartsy people who weren’t ready to let go of our theatrical streaks.) But honestly, I think God was prepping us for the story he was writing.

In the fall of 2005, we were new at our church and I wanted to get more involved. The ladies Bible study seemed like perfect timing so I jumped into Beth Moore’s Believing God. If you’ve never done it, I strongly recommend it.

Early on in the study, maybe even the very first week, Beth pretty much tells you to put your money where your mouth is. If you truly want your faith to be increased, she dares you to pray for that.

Let it be said: God always answers your prayers. The answer may not come in the form you were expecting (or hoping), but he answers. And he answers perfectly. Every. Single. Time. But we can’t always see it when we’re in the middle of our story.

We just have to keep turning the pages.

For the next decade, God was like a personal trainer totally devoted to working out my faith muscle. And he started just two days after I wrote that simple little prayer in my Believing God booklet.

My job fell through due to a paperwork issue between counties (and took our healthcare coverage with it), we had just closed on our first house, and two little pink lines popped up on a pregnancy test I wasn’t expecting to need for a year or so.

That was the beginning of a thrilling, terrifying, exciting, frustrating rollercoaster ride. God would allow us to get to the very brink of hopelessness and then bless our socks off with a huge reminder that he had us.

He was always there.

With each job loss, each setback, each sleepless night while Jake was in nursing school, each diagnosis that came for me and my children, through four years of deciding if we could pay for electricity or diapers, he was there.

Just when we were convinced that this would be our story forever, God would turn the page.

I remember one time when I was at the very edge of sanity. This time, instead of crying out to the Lord, I mostly screamed. I was in the middle of trying to get dinner ready for when my mom dropped the kids off. Something snapped. I was completely broken. I was sobbing on my kitchen floor.

In all honesty? I was mad. I felt so abandoned and betrayed by God. I had been faithful to him. Where was he in all of this?

After I cried it out and I mean, cried. Every. Tear. Out. Until I was dry. I was lying there on the cold tile and a song came on the radio. It was a Barlow Girl song that says, “I cried out with no reply and I can’t feel you by my side. So I’ll hold tight to what I know: You’re here and I’m never alone.”

God used that to teach me a huge truth. Sometimes, faith means choosing to believe. Sometimes, it requires real work. It’s when everything is stripped away. When you are broken down to your core and there is nothing left. Then, what are you going to do? What are you going to say? What are you going to believe?

In that moment, I stood up and I chose to believe that he was there. Even when I didn’t feel the warm fuzzies. Even when I didn’t hear a reply. I held tight to what I knew – I’m never alone.

There wasn’t immediate sunshine and rainbows like in the movies when the hero finally makes the smart move. It was more subtle than that. It would be a scripture brought to mind just when I needed it. A new song on the radio to encourage my heart. A MOPS speaker who seemed to be there just for me.

Hindsight is always 20/20. Now I have the privilege of looking back over the years and seeing how God was weaving our stories together. Stories that built my faith so strong.

Since those kitchen floor days, I’ve realized that every hard time I’ve been through was God choosing to mold and shape me. He considered me worthy of his time and attention. He was (and is) writing my story. Finally James 1:2-3 made real life sense to me. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.”

Our stories are given to us so that we can share them with others. You never know who needs to hear your story. God brings people across our paths every day. People who are going through things that we might never even know about. You could have just the story they need to hear. God is giving you your story so that you can give it to others.

We just need to keep turning the page.

Welcome!

April 18, 2014October 29, 2021 ~ Ashley ~ 2 Comments

Hi! I’m so glad you stopped by. After writing essays and devotionals for a decade, I decided to jump out of my comfort zone and I’ve landed here–in the middle of writing my first novel! Haven Bay is a fictitious community based on the little town of Carrabelle, Florida. I was born there and the roots of my family tree are solidly planted in the oyster beds and pine forests lining the Gulf coast of the Panhandle. Haven Bay will highlight all the best parts of the Forgotten Coast and leave you planning a visit. The quirky cast of characters will embody all the incredible local personalities and they will quickly feel like friends. Stories that are just too wild to be made up will be sprinkled like confetti throughout the plot, celebrating this unique community. I hope you’ll join me in this journey. I’ll be highlighting some behind-the-scenes adventures into research and stories and recipes discovered along the way.

If you’re interested in my nonfiction writing, you can still find those posts here on the website. Stay tuned for more details!

The Talk: Telling Our Son about His Autism

April 7, 2014August 24, 2017 ~ Ashley ~ Leave a comment

It started like every other night. It could have been any other ordinary day. Any at all. The same instructions had been given. The same teeth-brushing arguments, both pro and con, had been repeated. The blessed melatonin had been given. We sat down and pulled open the devotion book but we never read past the date–April 2nd.

Before I even realized what I was saying, I asked the kids if they knew that it was World Autism Awareness Day. They looked interested and were being exceptionally angelic at the moment. So I took it a little bit further. “You’ve heard the word, ‘autism,’ many times. But do you know what it means?” They shook their heads and wanted to know more.

It was happening. We had anticipated this moment for four years. When would we tell Caleb about his autism? How would we tell him? We decided on the gradual method of slowly, bit by bit and inch by inch, laying down the groundwork. We wanted them to have a firm foundation in knowing that everyone is different and that is a beautiful thing. We wanted them to be solid on the fact that God has created each and every one of us so beautifully and wondrously and intricately and intentionally. We wanted them to have the practice of loving others and seeing past differences to the heart and soul.

Years of anticipating this moment, sometimes eagerly and sometimes anxiously, and it was here. Even in those first few moments, I was unsure if I should shut it down. Jake was still at work. He was missing this milestone. But the ball was rolling and it was rolling down a steep hill. It felt right to allow it to continue on its path. Wherever it led.

We talked about what ASD is and how it can make some things easier and others more challenging. I told them about some common experiences among those who live life on the spectrum. And I simply asked if it sounded like anyone we might know. I could see his wheels turning. I showed them the episode of Arthur (“When Carl Met George”) and within 35 seconds, it happened.

And right there, right smack in the middle of our messy living room with the laundry piled high and the dinner dishes still on the table and the trash waiting to be taken out, with us and the dog all squished together on the couch, it happened. It started with his eyes. They looked brighter. After five or so minutes, his face had changed. He looked older somehow. By the time the video was over, he was eagerly asking, “Mom? Do I have ASD?”

I took a shaky breath and said confidently–no wait–I said proudly, “Yes, buddy. You do. What do you think about that?”

And he knew.

And just. like. it happened to us when we received his diagnosis, his life began flashing before his eyes. He was seeing it all with a fresh understanding. His filter had changed.

And he understood.

And he told me about how the things, the hard things, he now knows were the challenging parts of his ASD. And we talked about how far he’s come. And how much he’s overcome. And how he has done the hard things and how he can continue to do the hard things.

And he was proud.

Jake came home from work to find his boy had grown. Caleb seemed to stand taller as he told his dad about ASD and how God had made his brain special.

He went to bed that night having diagnosed our dog with autism as well. “She loves her toy like I love trains.” And any loneliness he might have felt dissolved away in the solidarity of puppy kisses.

He woke the next morning, ready to share himself with the world.

So, world? Get ready. You’re about to get a whole lot of awesome.

Our 4 Paws Adventure – Day 11 – Graduation!!

March 11, 2014May 19, 2016 ~ Ashley ~ Leave a comment

*This post is part of a series originally posted on my former blog, Stinker Babies. I’m reposting here for families who are interested in learning more about the process of being matched with a service dog for their children. This series was written during March of 2013.*

Because packing up everything, loading up the car, and taking our public access test wasn’t stressful enough, it took us 35 minutes to get to the mall because of a crazy traffic jam. We left Homewood at 11:30 to make the five-minute drive to the mall. Despite leaving a half hour early, we were five minutes late. I was seriously about to have a panic attack. I screeched to a stop right in front of the entrance that said Dick’s Sporting Goods and threw Jake and April out of the car. The kids and I parked and ran in. We did not end up in Dick’s like the sign said but just in front of the kiddie rides. That was fun. I half-dragged, half-carried the kids past the rides and up the stairs to the food court. We made it.

Jake did the public access test which was fantastic for me because my nerves were shot. April passed with flying colors. We headed back to 4 Paws where I sat down with Jennifer and went over all of our final paperwork. We got her official badge to go in her harness, her collar with all of her tags, and her medical history. We signed our contract and she was ours! 543530_10151537891649697_332825084_n

The graduation started and we each went around the room and tried to share our thoughts. Most of us ended up crying too hard to even get it all out. Each family was called to the front where we took a family photo in front of the graduation banner. Then we were handed our certificate. At the end, the kids got to “sign” the banner with their names and the names of their dogs.

It was a moment we’ve dreamed of for a very long time. It almost didn’t even feel real.

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We then bid teary farewells to our new friends and got in the car and headed south. We made it to Corbin, Kentucky where we stopped for the night at the same hotel as my sister from another mister (college roomie) who was travelling north with her sweet family. It was wonderful to hug their necks and have breakfast with them the next morning before starting out on the rest of the drive home.

We drove 500 miles yesterday. It took us 12 hours. It was an especially trying day for Caleb who had quite a few meltdowns. I had a couple of my own. I literally cried a tear of joy when we crossed the Florida line (about 10 miles from our house). If I hadn’t been so crazed and desperate to get home, I would have stopped and taken a picture of us kissing the ground. Okay, maybe we wouldn’t go that far. But it was just so wonderful to be back home with the warm temperatures and the green. Oh everything is so beautiful and green! I absolutely loved our time in Ohio and it was beautiful there, too. But there’s no place like home! April seems to love her new home and has really enjoyed exploring it. She’s still getting used to our laminate floors, though, and has been sliding a bit. We took her over for a family Easter dinner and she enjoyed meeting my sister’s little dog, Jack. When we returned the rental car, we decided to leave her at home. We filled her “bong” (as Gracie calls the Kong…I’m sure that won’t raise any eyebrows) with peanut butter and turned on the TV music channel. When we got home, she was just chillin’ and listenin’ to some P.M. Dawn. Gotta love the 90s station!

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It has been amazing to have April here. She has made such a huge difference already and I can’t imagine it without her now. A few of you future 4 Paws class members have asked me some great questions. Once I’ve had some time to reflect, I’ll compile a list of tips and tricks that we were given from previous members and also what we discovered to be helpful.

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Thank you so much to all of you who followed our journey to bring April home. Some of you very loyal and wonderful people have been following this story since the whole Pepsi Pup fiasco. I so appreciate your support, your prayers, your encouragement, your shoulders to cry on and your cheers along the way. It has made all the difference and I am forever grateful!

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Our 4 Paws Adventure – Day 10 – Packing It Up!

March 10, 2014May 19, 2016 ~ Ashley ~ Leave a comment

Today was a little bittersweet. It was our last full class day. We reviewed our obedience commands, discussed any issues or concerns, talked a lot about going home and what to expect. The trainers told us that it’s a guarantee that we’ll be questioned about public access with April. We heard several stories that just make your jaw drop at the rudeness and lack of tact that clients have experienced. We learned a little bit about what ADA law covers. April is protected under the law just the same as someone’s wheelchair. A hotel or apartment complex wouldn’t charge someone extra because the wheels might wear on the carpet. If there are damages, then we are absolutely responsible. An example would be our rental car. We purchased the insurance on the rental car that basically releases us of all liability. But they made sure to inform us that we will be charged a $250 cleaning fee if there is any pet hair in the car. So we’d come out cheaper to just push it off a cliff. We’re responsible people and we plan to clean it out anyway, but we’re also not planning to pay $250.

We had a chance to voice any fears about public access and the most common one seemed to be the poop issue. We’re all scared that our dog will be in a store or mall or somewhere and poop on the floor. So the first thing they reassured us about is that it will happen. We heard some hilarious stories from the 4 Paws founder, Karen Shirk, that put us all at ease. As she put it…When, not if, but when it happens and you’re embarrassed and cleaning it up, just remember the stories I told you and know that at least it’s not as bad as what happened to me.

We came back to the hotel tonight and have been rushing around trying to pack it all up. April definitely is a little more clingy than usual. She’s definitely picking up that something is going on. Some extra snuggles and cuddles and she seemed to feel better. So Jake will get up in the morning and take the borrowed kennel and food dishes back to 4 Paws and maybe run April a bit. Then he’ll come back here and we’ll load up the car. We will check out of our Home Sweet Homewood Suites and head to the mall at 11:30. At noon, we will take our public access test. EEEEEK! Assuming we pass, we’ll head back to 4 Paws to do all of our final paperwork, get April’s medical records, etc. Our classmates and some of the foster families will join us at 2:30 for our graduation ceremony. I’m just accepting that I’m going to be a crying mess tomorrow for pretty much the whole day. After all of our celebrating and tearful goodbyes, we’ll hop in the car and head south. We’ll see how far we get!

Prayers are definitely appreciated for our test and our travels tomorrow. I’ll try to update from the road tomorrow because it will be a huge day, but it might be a bit difficult. I’ll at least add some updates and pics to the Stinker Babies Facebook page (http://facebook.com/stinkerbabies *That address is now facebook.com/ashleydpooser*). If a blog post doesn’t happen tomorrow, you’ll be sure to get an earful (eyeful?) on Saturday after we make it home. Thank you so much to everyone who has been following this journey and for your prayers and your support and your encouragement. We are looking forward to getting April all settled in at her new home and getting back to our routines. It should definitely be an interesting transition and I’m sure I’ll have plenty of stories!